Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Eyes Wide Open
I have so many other things I need to be doing right now, but so many thoughts are whirling around in my head that I have to write them out. My boyfriend and I broke up Saturday night. I am crushed because even though we were not together for a long time, everything seemed to fit. Except for one thing....I highly question whether he is a Christian. He says he is a good person but had never read the Bible. How could I have disregarded the most important element in a healthy relationship? I desire to have God as the focal point of my relationships but how could I have been so blinded? I assumed he was a Christian and little was said about it in the beginning and now I am questioning whether I just heard what I wanted to hear when we talked about it the first time. We had a pretty revealing converstation Saturday night and hearing him talk just made me sad and hurt for him. He is one of the most selfless, amazing men I have met and to not know the one, true God hurts me. But beyond that, one thing that he said STUCK with me and I have not been able to get it out of my head. He said, "I did not know you were that religious. I had no clue you ready your Bible every day." Wow...I am ashamed that I fit in so well as a non-believer, that my life and my actions did not reflect that of a follower of Christ. We are to be set apart and I fit right in... I miss him, and I am hurting, but I am glad God used this to open my eyes to how I have been living. That my actions do not reflect my heart...and I am sadly a walking contradiction; a hypocrite.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Affirmation: Where much is given, much is required.
I have dreaded writing this blog today....ok, maybe dreaded is not the right word. I am fishing for the perfect description for how I feel and cannot put it into words. I am discouraged, encouraged, disappointed, proud, anxious but hopeful, excited and scared to death. ...how to put that into one descriptor word, I haven't a clue.
A year ago today, was a life altering day and I remember it vividly like it happened yesterday. I apologize in advance if what I write in the next few paragraphs is appalling, unappealing, and maybe unwanted, but being real and honest about where I have been is the only way to heal and move forward. April 6, 2010 was the day I checked myself into treatment for an eating disorder that I had battled and am still battling for 9 years. I woke up that morning, confident but terrified. I did not get much sleep because I had binged and purged all night long the night before. Maybe it was because I knew I would not be able to comfort myself that way again...maybe it was because I did not know how to deal with the emotions I was feeling....maybe I was trying to have my final goodbye with my eating disorder. I looked in the mirror at my sick 100 lb frame, my eyes sunken in and tired, and I cried. I cried the entire morning as I got ready to leave. I remember crying all the way to Presby. I txt'd my friends, family and knew life for me would only get harder. Not harder in the sense that I would not know how to exist in the world, but harder in that I would have to exist without the escape of bulimia. That the life I had built (which was no life at all) for the past decade was about to change.
I arrived and met with Kay, the admissions worker...she was reassuring and walked me through the administration process. Reality had not set in as I sat in the waiting room with my huge suitcase filled with cute clothes, jewelry, and toiletries. I wore my cute MissMe jeans...size 24 or 25...a size a teenager would wear. I had on my black shirt and cute turquoise earrings. Who was I trying to impress??? The morning was long as I sat waiting and finally was escorted to the psych floor, a place I NEVER want to experience again. I was greated by a witch of a nurse, who treated me like a dog leading me from one room to the other, making me take off my clothes as she examined my naked body for markings, diseases and any visible signs of self destructive behavior. She weighed me, had me turn over my jewelry and cell phone to her and sat me in the common area. Who were these people?? "A, B, C, A, B, C, 1, 2, 3..." one woman yelled over and over as she marched around the room. One man wore a shower cap, hospital gown and a blanket around his shoulders and walked around staring and murmuring something under his breath. It was far worse than I could have imagined and wanted to bust out in tears. But I stayed strong...not sure why. Every inch of me wanted to run...but I couldn't...I had to be strong. (so I thought).
After meeting with several nurses, doctors and dietitions, telling my story over and over, I was forced to eat lunch. I sat in a separate room than the rest of the group with one nurse and another girl. She was tiny and refused to eat. I remember what I ate vividly, bbq chicken, corn and zuccini/squash. I remember thinking that this would not be so bad as I ate about 70% of what they had given me. "I can do this!" The nurse then told me that since it was my first day, she would not make me finish my plate....WHAT??? The plate was a full dinner-size portion! That was lunch...and we have to finish it all?? The girl that was in the room with me refused to eat and when the nurse left shared how awful and hateful the staff were. What did I get myself into???
I was finally escorted to my room where one of the nurses went through my suitcase, allowed me to take only 2-4 outfits, a few pieces of underware and only toiletries without alcohol. She took my blow dryer, straightener, razor, mouthwash and hair serum....like I was a prisoner. Because I was on the same floor as suicidal patients and addicts, we had to be treated the same as everyone else. I was terrified. I do not remember dinner that night....I think shock had set in. I met some of the other ED girls and was scared to death. One of the girls, who is a miracle today, was so frail...barely over 80lbs. She is my age and has a daughter and my heart broke....how sick and deadly this disease is!!! My first night there I creid and cried and cried.
I was in the hospital for 10 LONG days and in outpatient therapy for 3 months after that. Monday through friday, 8am to 5pm sometimes 6 or 7pm and was the hardest thing I have been through. But It hasn't stopped. I am STILL working on myself and STILL struggle with builimia. Which is why today was so full of emotions. I approached this day defeated and disappointed with myself that after a year, I still struggle. I still binge/purge and some of the goals I had set while in treatment are still far in the distance. While in treatement, my expectations were so unrealistic. I think I viewed it as a cure-all. I would go to treatment and come out cured...but that is SO not the case. I have to look at the positive...but where to start. I have so many feelings, thoughts, and theories about the whole thing.
First of all, I cannot be ashamed of where I am. I am where I am and must go through what I am to be used the way God needs me. Does that make sense? I was so discouraged about today, but ended on such a great note. I woke up today and read through my journal that I kept while in treatment. Praise God I am not where I was a year ago...9 year ago. I am thankful and grateful for where I am today. YES I still have moments where I binge and purge, but I know this...it has and is getting better, easier and I am so blessed!!! I am bawling because I have realized something today. I have been given more than many people have. If you looked at my bank account, you would gasp....because I have a problem, that I battle daily. I still feel the need to spend to feel worthy. Not that I feel I am unworthy (read the article in the link I attached to this blog) I will address that later in this blog that is now a novel so I apologize for it being so long. But this is a monumental day, so tough! :)
The title of this blog has everything to do with the what I am going to say from here on out. I am rich, blessed and have been LAVISHED with gifts from God, my amazing family and friends. Firstly, I am alive, and that in itself is something that I cannot put a price on. That tells me that God is NOT done with me. This verse popped in my head today...and up until today, never felt such conviction. Straight from the mough of Jesus himself in Luke 12:48 reads, "...And from everyone who has been given much shall much be required; and to whom they entrusted much of him will ask all the more." My entire life I have been given so much! Through this entire process, I am still healthy...even I could not ruin that because God is preserving me for His work, for my children, my husband, and those also struggling with similar addictions. I have an amazing family that has done nothing more than pour themselves out to me. My sister has been my rock, my greatest encourager, has opened herself up to me, given me her time, her ears and her heart...something I appreciated but didn't fully grasp how precious a gift she is to me. I have a job, though stressful at times, allowed me time off each time I was in the hospital and for the 90 days of paid medical leave they allowed me so I could go to treatment. I have wonderful friends who encourage and pray for me daily, an amazing boyfriend who (so far, haha) is the most wonderful, understanding, encouraging and supportive man I have ever known, parents who would die for me and most importantly a Heavenly Father who did die for me. It has been weighing on my heart since treatment to give back...I can't not give back. So to whom much is given, much is required....I am ready. In the Bible God used the harlott, the thief, the unrighteous to do His work, and so today, God uses the bulimic, the drug addict, the diseased, the suffering to do His work. Meaning....we are all being used to fulfill His purpose. I know without a shaddow of a doubt that what we go through is meant to prepare us for what we will face in the future. I saw my therapist today and it is like God speaks through her. Everytime I speak with her, she says something so specific that I have had on my heart that I cannot ignore or dismiss that they are God's words.
Eating disorders are more prevalent and is such an isolated disease that not talking about it is only feeding the illness. The link I attached was sent from a friend who I just met but was such a blessing to me. I read the article and bawled all the way through. Because it is the very core of who we are. No one is perfect and the strive to be perfect only yields failure. Because when we really find who we are, we can rejoice in our imperfections, relate to one another and build meaningful, authentic and real relationships.
LONG I know...and there is so much more that I want to say, but that will have to wait. It's getitng late and I am sure your eyes are dying from staring at the computer screen. Today was a good day...reflective day....and affirmative day. I am thankful and grateful that I have a loving Father who sees me worthy of life and life abundantly.I will leave you with a verse I ready today.
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which passes ALL comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7
A year ago today, was a life altering day and I remember it vividly like it happened yesterday. I apologize in advance if what I write in the next few paragraphs is appalling, unappealing, and maybe unwanted, but being real and honest about where I have been is the only way to heal and move forward. April 6, 2010 was the day I checked myself into treatment for an eating disorder that I had battled and am still battling for 9 years. I woke up that morning, confident but terrified. I did not get much sleep because I had binged and purged all night long the night before. Maybe it was because I knew I would not be able to comfort myself that way again...maybe it was because I did not know how to deal with the emotions I was feeling....maybe I was trying to have my final goodbye with my eating disorder. I looked in the mirror at my sick 100 lb frame, my eyes sunken in and tired, and I cried. I cried the entire morning as I got ready to leave. I remember crying all the way to Presby. I txt'd my friends, family and knew life for me would only get harder. Not harder in the sense that I would not know how to exist in the world, but harder in that I would have to exist without the escape of bulimia. That the life I had built (which was no life at all) for the past decade was about to change.
I arrived and met with Kay, the admissions worker...she was reassuring and walked me through the administration process. Reality had not set in as I sat in the waiting room with my huge suitcase filled with cute clothes, jewelry, and toiletries. I wore my cute MissMe jeans...size 24 or 25...a size a teenager would wear. I had on my black shirt and cute turquoise earrings. Who was I trying to impress??? The morning was long as I sat waiting and finally was escorted to the psych floor, a place I NEVER want to experience again. I was greated by a witch of a nurse, who treated me like a dog leading me from one room to the other, making me take off my clothes as she examined my naked body for markings, diseases and any visible signs of self destructive behavior. She weighed me, had me turn over my jewelry and cell phone to her and sat me in the common area. Who were these people?? "A, B, C, A, B, C, 1, 2, 3..." one woman yelled over and over as she marched around the room. One man wore a shower cap, hospital gown and a blanket around his shoulders and walked around staring and murmuring something under his breath. It was far worse than I could have imagined and wanted to bust out in tears. But I stayed strong...not sure why. Every inch of me wanted to run...but I couldn't...I had to be strong. (so I thought).
After meeting with several nurses, doctors and dietitions, telling my story over and over, I was forced to eat lunch. I sat in a separate room than the rest of the group with one nurse and another girl. She was tiny and refused to eat. I remember what I ate vividly, bbq chicken, corn and zuccini/squash. I remember thinking that this would not be so bad as I ate about 70% of what they had given me. "I can do this!" The nurse then told me that since it was my first day, she would not make me finish my plate....WHAT??? The plate was a full dinner-size portion! That was lunch...and we have to finish it all?? The girl that was in the room with me refused to eat and when the nurse left shared how awful and hateful the staff were. What did I get myself into???
I was finally escorted to my room where one of the nurses went through my suitcase, allowed me to take only 2-4 outfits, a few pieces of underware and only toiletries without alcohol. She took my blow dryer, straightener, razor, mouthwash and hair serum....like I was a prisoner. Because I was on the same floor as suicidal patients and addicts, we had to be treated the same as everyone else. I was terrified. I do not remember dinner that night....I think shock had set in. I met some of the other ED girls and was scared to death. One of the girls, who is a miracle today, was so frail...barely over 80lbs. She is my age and has a daughter and my heart broke....how sick and deadly this disease is!!! My first night there I creid and cried and cried.
I was in the hospital for 10 LONG days and in outpatient therapy for 3 months after that. Monday through friday, 8am to 5pm sometimes 6 or 7pm and was the hardest thing I have been through. But It hasn't stopped. I am STILL working on myself and STILL struggle with builimia. Which is why today was so full of emotions. I approached this day defeated and disappointed with myself that after a year, I still struggle. I still binge/purge and some of the goals I had set while in treatment are still far in the distance. While in treatement, my expectations were so unrealistic. I think I viewed it as a cure-all. I would go to treatment and come out cured...but that is SO not the case. I have to look at the positive...but where to start. I have so many feelings, thoughts, and theories about the whole thing.
First of all, I cannot be ashamed of where I am. I am where I am and must go through what I am to be used the way God needs me. Does that make sense? I was so discouraged about today, but ended on such a great note. I woke up today and read through my journal that I kept while in treatment. Praise God I am not where I was a year ago...9 year ago. I am thankful and grateful for where I am today. YES I still have moments where I binge and purge, but I know this...it has and is getting better, easier and I am so blessed!!! I am bawling because I have realized something today. I have been given more than many people have. If you looked at my bank account, you would gasp....because I have a problem, that I battle daily. I still feel the need to spend to feel worthy. Not that I feel I am unworthy (read the article in the link I attached to this blog) I will address that later in this blog that is now a novel so I apologize for it being so long. But this is a monumental day, so tough! :)
The title of this blog has everything to do with the what I am going to say from here on out. I am rich, blessed and have been LAVISHED with gifts from God, my amazing family and friends. Firstly, I am alive, and that in itself is something that I cannot put a price on. That tells me that God is NOT done with me. This verse popped in my head today...and up until today, never felt such conviction. Straight from the mough of Jesus himself in Luke 12:48 reads, "...And from everyone who has been given much shall much be required; and to whom they entrusted much of him will ask all the more." My entire life I have been given so much! Through this entire process, I am still healthy...even I could not ruin that because God is preserving me for His work, for my children, my husband, and those also struggling with similar addictions. I have an amazing family that has done nothing more than pour themselves out to me. My sister has been my rock, my greatest encourager, has opened herself up to me, given me her time, her ears and her heart...something I appreciated but didn't fully grasp how precious a gift she is to me. I have a job, though stressful at times, allowed me time off each time I was in the hospital and for the 90 days of paid medical leave they allowed me so I could go to treatment. I have wonderful friends who encourage and pray for me daily, an amazing boyfriend who (so far, haha) is the most wonderful, understanding, encouraging and supportive man I have ever known, parents who would die for me and most importantly a Heavenly Father who did die for me. It has been weighing on my heart since treatment to give back...I can't not give back. So to whom much is given, much is required....I am ready. In the Bible God used the harlott, the thief, the unrighteous to do His work, and so today, God uses the bulimic, the drug addict, the diseased, the suffering to do His work. Meaning....we are all being used to fulfill His purpose. I know without a shaddow of a doubt that what we go through is meant to prepare us for what we will face in the future. I saw my therapist today and it is like God speaks through her. Everytime I speak with her, she says something so specific that I have had on my heart that I cannot ignore or dismiss that they are God's words.
Eating disorders are more prevalent and is such an isolated disease that not talking about it is only feeding the illness. The link I attached was sent from a friend who I just met but was such a blessing to me. I read the article and bawled all the way through. Because it is the very core of who we are. No one is perfect and the strive to be perfect only yields failure. Because when we really find who we are, we can rejoice in our imperfections, relate to one another and build meaningful, authentic and real relationships.
LONG I know...and there is so much more that I want to say, but that will have to wait. It's getitng late and I am sure your eyes are dying from staring at the computer screen. Today was a good day...reflective day....and affirmative day. I am thankful and grateful that I have a loving Father who sees me worthy of life and life abundantly.I will leave you with a verse I ready today.
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which passes ALL comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Random Blabbering
It's been a LONG time since I've posted anything but was pleasantly reminded today how great it is to share sometimes. I think I have avoided sharing many things that I have been through for silly reasons, but mostly because sharing them also brings along the intense reality. Sometimes it's easier to pretend and live in denial because the emotions are just too strong. But, with sharing comes healing. By feeling emotions, crying our eyes out, laughing so hard we pee....that's how we heal, that's how grow and that's how we learn to appreciate life. And just as I am writing this, I am realizing just how much I have focused on the hard emotions, cried my eyes out, that I haven't taken the time to laugh...laugh until my stomach aches, until I cry and can't breathe! I miss those days! :) I remember Christina and I used to get tickled over the silliest things and laugh so hard that we both ended up red-faced and flowing with tears. Although I do not regret focusing on the hard issues I desperately need to let go.
Many of you already know of my battle with bulimia, it's been a long road, and is still a journey that I will have to discover and learn from. I look back on the day I checked into treatment at Presby...I had no clue just how hard it would be. I remember the feeling of desperation, knowing I had no other option, and feeling completely lost. I look back and remember how dark those days were thank my amazing God for not giving up on me. I thank my beautiful, prescious family for being my rock 100% every day. And now, I can laugh out loud the fact that my hospital rooms, (all four times I was hospitalized for various things), looked like a freakin zoo. Because I was so blessed to have my entire immediate family camping out with for days on end. My room was filled with nurses, doctors, flowers, mom, dad, brother, sister, brother-in-law, two year old nephew, a million laptops, cell phones, friends and partriage in a pair tree! :) Man, I am lucky!!!
Another change...the fact that I am now single. Good and bad, I have mixed feelings. Good in the fact that I know now I would not have had a happy marriage in the relationship I was in, but bad in feeling that I have to start over. I have dated like mad machine....some good, some bad, and mostly just as confusing as I remember it! Ahhh...the joys of dating. I am just tired of the games and have ended up blabbing my entire life story to a few of the guys...suprisingly, they still wanted to date. Hmmm...this honesty-no-games mentality may just work! :) Who would have known? So that's where I am. This is me. This is what I want. And this is what I've been through. Take it or leave it. :) I have had great dates, awkward dates, exciting dates and boring ones, but have gained a new appreciation for the opposite sex. Although many guys are just still bone heads, poor things do have a lot of pressure to impress a girl!
Anyway, just needed to blab a bit. No real purpose to this blog, but only to say that I am glad I got back on here, shared a few thoughts and look forward to doing it again!
Many of you already know of my battle with bulimia, it's been a long road, and is still a journey that I will have to discover and learn from. I look back on the day I checked into treatment at Presby...I had no clue just how hard it would be. I remember the feeling of desperation, knowing I had no other option, and feeling completely lost. I look back and remember how dark those days were thank my amazing God for not giving up on me. I thank my beautiful, prescious family for being my rock 100% every day. And now, I can laugh out loud the fact that my hospital rooms, (all four times I was hospitalized for various things), looked like a freakin zoo. Because I was so blessed to have my entire immediate family camping out with for days on end. My room was filled with nurses, doctors, flowers, mom, dad, brother, sister, brother-in-law, two year old nephew, a million laptops, cell phones, friends and partriage in a pair tree! :) Man, I am lucky!!!
Another change...the fact that I am now single. Good and bad, I have mixed feelings. Good in the fact that I know now I would not have had a happy marriage in the relationship I was in, but bad in feeling that I have to start over. I have dated like mad machine....some good, some bad, and mostly just as confusing as I remember it! Ahhh...the joys of dating. I am just tired of the games and have ended up blabbing my entire life story to a few of the guys...suprisingly, they still wanted to date. Hmmm...this honesty-no-games mentality may just work! :) Who would have known? So that's where I am. This is me. This is what I want. And this is what I've been through. Take it or leave it. :) I have had great dates, awkward dates, exciting dates and boring ones, but have gained a new appreciation for the opposite sex. Although many guys are just still bone heads, poor things do have a lot of pressure to impress a girl!
Anyway, just needed to blab a bit. No real purpose to this blog, but only to say that I am glad I got back on here, shared a few thoughts and look forward to doing it again!
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Daily Munchies
It's been way too long since my last posting. It's either I don't "have time" or just simply have not been motivated. I think it is because I know there are many things I NEED to write about and just don't want to face them. :) Lovely procrastination.
So because my "followers" (sounds like a cult or something), are all close to my heart, I'm going to be forthright, open, and bluntly honest. All of you know about my recent decision to kick the nasty arse of an eating disorder that has taken the last eight years of my life and flushed it down the toilet. Part of that journey is the lovely "re-feeding" process. I could say that this is easy...it's human nature to eat food and most know that it is nothting more than nourishment for the body. NOT to me. Food is the very thing that I have been fearful of and controlling over of for almost a decade. Try giving a person who has chosen to "rid" her body of any kind of food after eating, a meal, let alone three full meals and two snacks a day. Torture! Although an eating disorder is definitely an addiction, it is different from most. For when you are treating a crack addict, they do not face or see an ounce of crack during recovery/treatment, nor an alcoholic sees a drop of alcohol. But for an eating disorder, we see food DAILY and have to face it, eat it and keep it.
My body, muscles, digestive system, brain, heart, lungs, bones...None of it was used to having to digest, absorb, or rid the body of food, nutrients and waste. Now, it's having to re-learn...poor lil thing. The muscles in my digestive system are having to learn how to move the food through my intestines...definitely a strain on the GI system. EEEK. So all that to say, it's done a number on my body. I will post another post soon about what it has done exactly and the small victories that I have encountered as my body heals.
But today I want to talk about my food Because I used to stare at recipe after recipe for hours upon hours, (most definitely one of my eating disorder behaviors), I figure I could put this to good use. So I have gotten a few recipes down. I have tacked bbq chicken, of which my family graciously ate, over and over again. SO, I ventured out and cooked my family pork, that i cooked with brown gravy in a croc pot, with carrots, mushrooms, green beans and brown rice. I THINK they liked it!! :) But my biggest venture is cooking for myself and eating alone. This would be the easiest time to either not eat, or rid myself of the food...but it's what you do when no one is watching that defines your character. Isn't that how the saying goes?? So, my dietition gave me a wonderful fish recipe that I cook a LOT and love.
For one person, the Ingredients:
1 filet of fish (any kind, salmon, tilapia...anything)
1 cup of veggies (could be broccoli, zuccini/squash, carrots, )
1/2 chopped sweet potato
salt
pepper
olive oil
any other seasoning you would like for your fish
Place the chopped sweet potatoes in a piece of foil, sprincle a few drops of olive oil and a shake of pepper on top. Close the foil around it and place in the oven as it preheats to 450 degrees. While it heats up, chop your vegetable and season it and your fish with olive oil, salt & pepper. You can also add a little lemon juice or any other seasoning you would like. Once the oven is heated take foil with your sweet potatoes out of the oven, open and mix in the veggie with the potatoes and lay your fish filet on top. Reseal the foil and place in the oven for 20 min.
Whala...instant meal for one. :) On top of this, I also have a glass of milk, gass of water and cup of fruit (any kind). :) Yummy. But today, I did a little variation onf the recipe. I baked the fish and sweet potatoes and once cooked, laid it on a a bed of mixed red-tipped leafy greens, spinach leaves, chopped tomatos and apples. It was good.
Here are a few pictures of my cooking adventures. :)
So because my "followers" (sounds like a cult or something), are all close to my heart, I'm going to be forthright, open, and bluntly honest. All of you know about my recent decision to kick the nasty arse of an eating disorder that has taken the last eight years of my life and flushed it down the toilet. Part of that journey is the lovely "re-feeding" process. I could say that this is easy...it's human nature to eat food and most know that it is nothting more than nourishment for the body. NOT to me. Food is the very thing that I have been fearful of and controlling over of for almost a decade. Try giving a person who has chosen to "rid" her body of any kind of food after eating, a meal, let alone three full meals and two snacks a day. Torture! Although an eating disorder is definitely an addiction, it is different from most. For when you are treating a crack addict, they do not face or see an ounce of crack during recovery/treatment, nor an alcoholic sees a drop of alcohol. But for an eating disorder, we see food DAILY and have to face it, eat it and keep it.
My body, muscles, digestive system, brain, heart, lungs, bones...None of it was used to having to digest, absorb, or rid the body of food, nutrients and waste. Now, it's having to re-learn...poor lil thing. The muscles in my digestive system are having to learn how to move the food through my intestines...definitely a strain on the GI system. EEEK. So all that to say, it's done a number on my body. I will post another post soon about what it has done exactly and the small victories that I have encountered as my body heals.
But today I want to talk about my food Because I used to stare at recipe after recipe for hours upon hours, (most definitely one of my eating disorder behaviors), I figure I could put this to good use. So I have gotten a few recipes down. I have tacked bbq chicken, of which my family graciously ate, over and over again. SO, I ventured out and cooked my family pork, that i cooked with brown gravy in a croc pot, with carrots, mushrooms, green beans and brown rice. I THINK they liked it!! :) But my biggest venture is cooking for myself and eating alone. This would be the easiest time to either not eat, or rid myself of the food...but it's what you do when no one is watching that defines your character. Isn't that how the saying goes?? So, my dietition gave me a wonderful fish recipe that I cook a LOT and love.
For one person, the Ingredients:
1 filet of fish (any kind, salmon, tilapia...anything)
1 cup of veggies (could be broccoli, zuccini/squash, carrots, )
1/2 chopped sweet potato
salt
pepper
olive oil
any other seasoning you would like for your fish
Place the chopped sweet potatoes in a piece of foil, sprincle a few drops of olive oil and a shake of pepper on top. Close the foil around it and place in the oven as it preheats to 450 degrees. While it heats up, chop your vegetable and season it and your fish with olive oil, salt & pepper. You can also add a little lemon juice or any other seasoning you would like. Once the oven is heated take foil with your sweet potatoes out of the oven, open and mix in the veggie with the potatoes and lay your fish filet on top. Reseal the foil and place in the oven for 20 min.
Whala...instant meal for one. :) On top of this, I also have a glass of milk, gass of water and cup of fruit (any kind). :) Yummy. But today, I did a little variation onf the recipe. I baked the fish and sweet potatoes and once cooked, laid it on a a bed of mixed red-tipped leafy greens, spinach leaves, chopped tomatos and apples. It was good.
Here are a few pictures of my cooking adventures. :)
Friday, May 21, 2010
Recently, I was challenged to write my definition of an adult. Hmmm...odd request. I guess I haven't really thought about it, but realized that I have been excluding myself from the"adult" population. Here is what I came up with...
An Adult Is One Who...
*Is confident in who they are
*Is aware of their talents, strengths & weaknesses
*Is able to make good decision
*Is able to care for themselves & are aware of their needs as well as the needs of others
*Is wise and able to grow and learn from past experiences
*Is able to provide for themselves & family, both emotionally and financially
*Embraces their passions in life
*Takes an active part in life
*Is genuinely authentic
*Is able to express themselves & communicate effectively
*Is able to set & accomplish realistic goals
*Is mature & acts rationally
*Is responsible & reliable
*Honors their morals, values & beliefs
The surprising thing to me is that I, at the age of 27, do not see myself as an adult. However, after thinking about and writing this, I've realized a few things...
1. Being an adult is a process, continually making progress, constantly growing.
2. It is ok to be where I am right now.
3. Each of us is different, unique and learn and grow through different experiences, different choices, different passions, values and strengths.
4. We are continually living one day at a time, experiencing life that allows us to be our own, unique, individual adult self.
I have been doing a lot of internal evaluation and self-inventory, and realized that I have not been actively living. I had mentally checked-out and life has been passing me by. If we are not truly living, we miss out on the things we discover daily about ourselves. So here's to living - experiencing the joys, the pains, successes and failures, brokeness, confidence, doubt and faith.
Growth is a process. Adulthood is a process. Live, learn and grow.
An Adult Is One Who...
*Is confident in who they are
*Is aware of their talents, strengths & weaknesses
*Is able to make good decision
*Is able to care for themselves & are aware of their needs as well as the needs of others
*Is wise and able to grow and learn from past experiences
*Is able to provide for themselves & family, both emotionally and financially
*Embraces their passions in life
*Takes an active part in life
*Is genuinely authentic
*Is able to express themselves & communicate effectively
*Is able to set & accomplish realistic goals
*Is mature & acts rationally
*Is responsible & reliable
*Honors their morals, values & beliefs
The surprising thing to me is that I, at the age of 27, do not see myself as an adult. However, after thinking about and writing this, I've realized a few things...
1. Being an adult is a process, continually making progress, constantly growing.
2. It is ok to be where I am right now.
3. Each of us is different, unique and learn and grow through different experiences, different choices, different passions, values and strengths.
4. We are continually living one day at a time, experiencing life that allows us to be our own, unique, individual adult self.
I have been doing a lot of internal evaluation and self-inventory, and realized that I have not been actively living. I had mentally checked-out and life has been passing me by. If we are not truly living, we miss out on the things we discover daily about ourselves. So here's to living - experiencing the joys, the pains, successes and failures, brokeness, confidence, doubt and faith.
Growth is a process. Adulthood is a process. Live, learn and grow.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Where my ladies at??? :)
So am I wrong when I say that I feel women often forget just how wonderful it is to be a woman??? :) ...a phenomenal woman?? I am blogging about it only because it was pretty much the theme of my day today. Not all woman are spineless and push-overs like I am (haha..have to laugh because I am finally recognizing and working on it), but just that sometimes we lose ourselves. Whether it is lost in the midst of a relationship with your partner, children or even in some friendships, there are times that we lost what makes us amazing.
Let me share a poem by Maya Angelou. I advise you stand up and get the 'tude working. Say it with with a bit of arrogance...it is OK!
Phenomenal Woman
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's in the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman,
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
I ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Maya Angelou
Now tell me that doesn't make you proud to be a woman?? :) It just shows that those qualities and traits of a woman that society lables as "imperfections" are the true sense of what a woman's beauty really is all about. Praise God for my feminine curves, my confident swagger, and my ability to nurture and care! I embrace my femininity and will walk in the parade of confidence!
Let me share a poem by Maya Angelou. I advise you stand up and get the 'tude working. Say it with with a bit of arrogance...it is OK!
Phenomenal Woman
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's in the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman,
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
I ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Maya Angelou
Now tell me that doesn't make you proud to be a woman?? :) It just shows that those qualities and traits of a woman that society lables as "imperfections" are the true sense of what a woman's beauty really is all about. Praise God for my feminine curves, my confident swagger, and my ability to nurture and care! I embrace my femininity and will walk in the parade of confidence!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Welcome
I have never quite understood blogging, or following other blogs before. However, many recent changes and ventures in my life have allowed me to undersand the importance of journaling the thoughts that may be weighing heavy on your heart and mind. Not only is it important to journal, but to share these thoughts and experiences. The raw truth may touch another life, or attract advice and understanding from others.
So welcome to my blog. I am new to this but hope to start something captivating as well as spiritually and emotionally healing.
So welcome to my blog. I am new to this but hope to start something captivating as well as spiritually and emotionally healing.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
