Random Blabbering

It's been a LONG time since I've posted anything but was pleasantly reminded today how great it is to share sometimes. I think I have avoided sharing many things that I have been through for silly reasons, but mostly because sharing them also brings along the intense reality. Sometimes it's easier to pretend and live in denial because the emotions are just too strong. But, with sharing comes healing. By feeling emotions, crying our eyes out, laughing so hard we pee....that's how we heal, that's how grow and that's how we learn to appreciate life. And just as I am writing this, I am realizing just how much I have focused on the hard emotions, cried my eyes out, that I haven't taken the time to laugh...laugh until my stomach aches, until I cry and can't breathe! I miss those days! :) I remember Christina and I used to get tickled over the silliest things and laugh so hard that we both ended up red-faced and flowing with tears. Although I do not regret focusing on the hard issues I desperately need to let go.

Many of you already know of my battle with bulimia, it's been a long road, and is still a journey that I will have to discover and learn from. I look back on the day I checked into treatment at Presby...I had no clue just how hard it would be. I remember the feeling of desperation, knowing I had no other option, and feeling completely lost. I look back and remember how dark those days were thank my amazing God for not giving up on me. I thank my beautiful, prescious family for being my rock 100% every day. And now, I can laugh out loud the fact that my hospital rooms, (all four times I was hospitalized for various things), looked like a freakin zoo. Because I was so blessed to have my entire immediate family camping out with for days on end. My room was filled with nurses, doctors, flowers, mom, dad, brother, sister, brother-in-law, two year old nephew, a million laptops, cell phones, friends and partriage in a pair tree! :) Man, I am lucky!!!

Another change...the fact that I am now single. Good and bad, I have mixed feelings. Good in the fact that I know now I would not have had a happy marriage in the relationship I was in, but bad in feeling that I have to start over. I have dated like mad machine....some good, some bad, and mostly just as confusing as I remember it! Ahhh...the joys of dating. I am just tired of the games and have ended up blabbing my entire life story to a few of the guys...suprisingly, they still wanted to date. Hmmm...this honesty-no-games mentality may just work! :) Who would have known? So that's where I am. This is me. This is what I want. And this is what I've been through. Take it or leave it. :) I have had great dates, awkward dates, exciting dates and boring ones, but have gained a new appreciation for the opposite sex. Although many guys are just still bone heads, poor things do have a lot of pressure to impress a girl!

Anyway, just needed to blab a bit. No real purpose to this blog, but only to say that I am glad I got back on here, shared a few thoughts and look forward to doing it again!